D and I were driving a while ago and got on the topic of cruise control. He turns it on pretty much every time we drive for more than 2 minutes. Me, on the other hand, I hate using cruise control because it ironically makes me feel out of control, a feeling that I hate. D then asked why I disliked making decisions so much, yet apparently hated to feel out of control. His question really made me think, and it was then that I realized how little sense this actually made. Why do I have to have control over pretty much everything in live, yet I hate making decisions, seemingly giving up this control? I guess I'd like to think that I give up control over the little things so that I can have control over the big decisions. Or maybe it's more that if I give up control over making decisions that I think I will somehow not be responsible for the outcome. If I don't decide where we go for dinner and we end up eating somewhere we don't like, it's not my fault and I don't have to feel guilty about it.
Then D and I went to the Mavs Jazz game for his Christmas present, and as much as I love watching basketball, I realized that it kinda stresses me out because I don't have control over what happens. I hate just sitting there and not being able to affect the outcome of the game. I still have trouble wrapping my head around the fact that no matter what I do, it will not change how well they play.
I've got issues.
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